The Dilemma of Joseph and Mary: Honor in the Face of Scandal
When we read the Christmas story, we often focus on angels, shepherds, and the baby in the manger. But we rarely pause to consider the very real human crisis that Joseph and Mary faced—a crisis that could have cost Mary her life.
The Legal Danger Mary Faced
In first-century Jewish culture, betrothal was far more binding than our modern concept of engagement. Joseph and Mary were legally contracted to marry, having made solemn promises before witnesses. Though they hadn’t yet consummated their marriage, they were considered husband and wife in the eyes of the law.
This made Mary’s pregnancy not just scandalous—it was potentially fatal.
According to Deuteronomy 22:23-24, a betrothed virgin who was found to be pregnant was to be stoned to death. This wasn’t a theoretical punishment. It was the law of the land, and communities took it seriously. Mary faced not just social disgrace or family shame, but execution.
Imagine the terror she must have felt. She knew the divine origin of her pregnancy, but how could she prove it? Who would believe such an extraordinary claim? She would appear to everyone—including Joseph—as an adulteress deserving of the harshest punishment.
Yet remarkably, we don’t find Mary panicking or defending herself frantically. Instead, she kept her mind calm and committed her situation to God, trusting Him to vindicate her innocence.
Joseph’s Impossible Position
Now consider Joseph’s perspective. He had pledged himself to a woman he believed to be pure and virtuous. Then he discovered she was pregnant—and he knew the child wasn’t his.
The evidence seemed damning. The conclusion seemed obvious. Joseph had every legal right to make Mary a public example—to expose her publicly and invoke the full penalty of the law. Many men in his position would have done exactly that, perhaps feeling justified in their anger and betrayal.
But Joseph was different.
The Character of a Righteous Man
The Gospel of Matthew tells us Joseph was “a just man”—but his justice was tempered with mercy. Here’s where we see the true measure of his character:
1. He Refused to Seek Revenge
Despite his confusion and hurt, Joseph had no desire to destroy Mary. He could have publicly shamed her, ensuring everyone knew of her apparent betrayal. Instead, he chose discretion. He was “not willing to make her a public example.”
This reveals a man who, even in his pain, thought of Mary’s welfare and reputation.
2. He Chose Mercy Over Strict Justice
Joseph decided to “divorce her privately”—to quietly end the betrothal with just two witnesses, sparing Mary from public humiliation and legal consequences.
This was extraordinary. The law gave him the right to pursue harsh punishment, but Joseph looked for a way to be both just (not proceeding with a marriage under these circumstances) and merciful (protecting Mary from harm).
As Matthew Henry notes, Joseph was “inclined to be merciful as God is, and to forgive as one who was forgiven.” He looked for the most charitable interpretation possible, hoping for the best even when appearances suggested the worst.
3. He Remained Open to God’s Direction
Rather than acting impulsively, Joseph took time to think through his options. He wrestled with the decision, weighing justice against mercy, duty against compassion.
It was in this thoughtful, prayerful state that God met him. An angel appeared to Joseph in a dream, revealing the truth: “That which is conceived in her is of the Holy Spirit.”
And here’s perhaps the most remarkable thing: Joseph immediately obeyed. Despite how impossible the explanation must have seemed, despite his earlier doubts, he took Mary as his wife without hesitation. He trusted God’s word over his own understanding.
The Greater Story
Joseph’s honorable response to this crisis became part of God’s redemptive plan. By choosing mercy, by remaining open to God’s direction, by protecting Mary rather than condemning her, Joseph played a crucial role in bringing the Savior into the world.
His “justice” wasn’t the harsh, unforgiving kind that demands punishment. It was the kind that reflects God’s own character—righteous yet merciful, principled yet compassionate.
This Christmas, as we celebrate the birth of Jesus, let’s also remember the quiet heroism of Joseph—a man who faced an impossible situation with grace, who chose honor over revenge, and who trusted God even when nothing made sense.
In a world that often rushes to judgment and delights in public shaming, we need more people like Joseph: thoughtful, merciful, and faithful.
“For the one who has shown no mercy will be judged without mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgment.” (James 2:13, ISV)
Let us Ponder
The story of Mary and Joseph presents us with profound choices. Let us ask ourselves:
If I were Joseph…
If I were Mary…
Let us reflect on their courage and faith, and consider how we might respond in similar circumstances.
Share your thoughts and reflections in the comments below!
A Prayer for Guidance
Loving Father,
grant us the wisdom to understand
the challenges faced by Mary and Joseph.
Help us to cultivate their faith, their courage,
and their unwavering trust in Your divine plan.
Guide us to choose mercy over judgment,
and to embrace the unexpected turns of life with open hearts.
May we, like them, be willing to surrender our own plans
and follow Your will, knowing that You will provide.
Amen.
Footnote: The theological sentiments and core arguments presented in this post are drawn from the writings of Matthew Henry, specifically his commentary on the Gospel of Matthew. This post was created with the assistance of artificial intelligence, which was used to modernize Henry’s language and structure for a contemporary audience, while striving to remain faithful to his original interpretations.